me wann…shoesies..wannnaaa..waaaahh

Please forgive another shoe related post after a recent one. What happened is making me very sad so had to tell ya’all about it. I fell in love with a pair of shoes, they were high heels (I osciallate in my desire of flats vs heels), they were actually comfortable enough that I could envision myself walking in them for a few steps without vincing and they were affordable! The affordable part was only because they were majorly on sale, however, they were within the budget I had set for the day.  Then what? you say, you brought them and everyone lived happily ever after? Sadly not, as I said I only envisioned myself walking without vincing, the envisioning part came because they only had one shoe in the display and never found the mate of the damn thing. So i am shoe deprived and unable to get it out of my head. I admit, I havent thought of even the ex-boy with so mcuh longing. Maybe longing to stick afore mentioned high heels into his empty yet strangly swollen head, but not desire to possess. Seriously am obsessed with shoes.

Other than the shoes, the weekend was awesome! What can be better than old friends and tons of conversation and playing catch up?(the shoes that’s what…but nooooo). We did the usual fun stuff, hung out, shopped, ate and partied.  I realized how important it is to get out my part of the world even if for two days, because just two days can change perspectives, make things easier to come back to, situations become more transparent, one also has a desire to get a job and get some money and to get skinnier than ever…but that usually comes from hanging out with people with jobs.  Real jobs, I mean, where folks make real money, but then also worry more it evens out I think.  But old friends? the one who know exactly how crazy you can get without having drunk an ounce,who know exactly what you looked like 4 years ago and therefore can appreciate the new and improved version and suitably flattering things, old friends who know what a foodie you are and treat you to Godiva shakes…that they then have to drink half of ..friends who know even today, what hits your buttons, not very close friends, not particularly, there is only one that i call that, but still..old friends, and nothing beats old friends except new memories with old friends.


Muses of moment

 I have a major shoe obsession! Those who know me probably already know that about me. If you are ever in a store with me and lose me, best way to find me is to find the shoe section…follow line of drool and voila there I would be. You would assume then that I spend a lot of money on shoes and have a billion pairs, but not really, no I don’t. That is only because of two things. One is that its hard to find very sexy shoes in my size and two I refuse to wear uncomfortable shoes. The uncomfortable thing comes into play very often considering I have weird feet. But not wearing them is from ages ago and a wedding. I was in Mumbai and had the cutest pair of shoes..they were brownish reddish and also had  heel and were also very tight. I must have been about 10 or 12 years old I think. The shoes were so tight, they had to be worn with a plastic wrap over foot so that I could slide into them..yet I loved these shoes. Unfortunately, I was in Bombay with mama..who likes to walk..and I wore these shoes out with him to buy books. It was a long long walk including several locals. I reached a point where my feet hurt so much that I ALMOST sat down and cried. I never had the guts to do that again. Therefore comfortable shoes it is. But I like sexy shoes tooo..comfortable and sexy..almost an oxymoron! Hence I am usually drooling and rejecting!

The question is why do I like shoes so much.. I have given this deep thought…I think it is because shoes make or break an outfit…the perfect shoes pull it together effectively. And more deeply I tink it is because it is one body part that I cannot change and have to accept the way it is. It is a part of me that hasnt changed much and is unlikely to change over the course of time. I am still wearing the same shoes I was 40 pounds ago. It is a part of me that I have to accept, I can whinge all I want about the shape of my foot..wide in front and narrow at the back and super small, but I cannot pinch the wide part and say this has to go. I have to respect what years of dance have made my foot. I cannot jiggle it or frown at it in the bath and say yuck (not that i say that for any body part), having to accept it the way it is, means I look more for things that fit it and dont really watch sizes..ohh this shoe is a 6 and it fits me instead of the 5 1/2, and oooh this is comfy..who cares if it is meant for 12 year olds? 

Why can’t I be like that about clothes…umm this jeans is tight..but I’d be damned if I go a size up. I completely refuse to buy jeans in India..sizes dont make any sense at all. The more acceptance we have of our body and the way it looks,however transient or permanent that look might be, once we are confident in our skin (its the only one we got), only then can we truly begin the work of changing it or loving it. Now-a-days, I dont buy shoes that need plastic wrap, I buy the ones that fit and feel like I can walk a mile (or atleast till the first shoe bite shows up). I look at my feet with pride, they have supported me through thick, through dancing, running and definately through the plastic episode and I treat them with the care they deserve. Wish I could say the same about the body.

searching searching

Hello folks..the search is on. For a lot of things, a new boy, answer to the eternal prelims question..what can they ask me from all of this unadultrated mess of the past five years, the search thorugh my brain for the research papers that I supposedly read,oh that is my handwriting, oh look there’s a doodle..I guess I did read it sometime ago..strange..very strange. Also the search is on for time, to squeeze it out and stretch it out to fit all that needs to be done, but mainly the search has been on for the phone. I elaborate.

They say that when one is stressed out, one begins to have memory issues. I second that..D.R. soon to be phd..agrees. Yesterday I spent a grand total of 3 hours looking for my phone. This is not an isolated incident, it was 3 seperate occasions spread across the day, office and my messy messy room. So i started with the briliant knowledge that my phone is somehwere in my bag and went to work. At work, phone..whoopsies. Expecting important call therefore, home again and look for phone..not found, car..nope. Back to office.ahh phone in bag under piles of grading. I blame the grading.

TIme 2, in room, chatting, sudden thought..where is phone? Start looking and look around house, even in aforementioned, now empty bag, no phone. In desperation lift laptop to smack self on head, to find phone under lappy..well sort of under it and nope right under my nose really.

Time 3, late night, just about to sleep, need to set alarm for godforsaken time. Again the search begins. Zipping back in time, room has been cleaned..sick of jumping over piles of abandoned mostly read but unrecalled research papers and scarred by falling piles of clothes from the closet. I cleaned the room. This is relevant. I also refolded clothes and stacked them. And apparantly the phone is wearable coz I stacked it in the middle of some T’s. Took an hour to find exact location, half of roomie’s cell phone battery and most of my much needed sleep.

And today, a new search for the nike plus thingy that fits into the pod. No luck, finally went running without it. Came back and got dressed for presentation and looked for phone AGAIN. didnt find it, it was on the kitchen table therefore invisible to mortals. But did find the nike plus thingajiimy in the much maligned bag. People it aint that bad really…but ..ugh wheres the phone AGAIN?

ah i should go look..bye!

home is where you make coffee

I was reading one of my favorite food blogs David lebovitz, who as a way of explaination, is an American in Paris. In his latest blog he talked about how he gets confused as to what to say when he is asked, where he is from. It got me thinking, where am I from? I am from Indore, India, which is where I identify with. However, I did study in Pune, so a part of me associates with Pune and then finally, I ended up  here, in Kansas, the MP of US. A large chunk of me assoicates with that as well. So many things that make me are indori, puneri and Kansan. So when asked by Indians, where I am from, the answer is usually indore, which doesnt really answer their question..which really was…what are you? marathi, punjabi, gujrati, sindhi.. etc etc..unfortuantely I cannot help them there..a marashtrian mom and a punjabi dad makes me a mogerel, who have no identifiers. I only know I speak hindi and english.

When asked by Americans, I generally say India, if they profess to know India they usually ask where in India and I vaguely say central india and usually proceed to inform them (sadly) of a lack of elephant riding rajas. BUT wait..I have a trick…the American answer above is valid when I am in Kansas. When not in Kansas, the default answer becomes Kansas..which usually confuses the heck out of people. A brown Kansan with an accent..well I live in Kansas..dont I? I pay bloody taxes in Kansas..therefore Kansan I am and it also saves a lot of the tedious elephant talk.

More sentily though…where is Home? Home is, like, David rightly said, is where you make coffee. I make coffee wherever I go, be it Kansas, San Frisco, Mumbai, indore or even Pune. ( an addiction seems to be the problem there) but yes I carry home wherever I go, but more and more the idea of having a home is shifting, I truly have a “maika” indore, but home finally is Kansas, where I am , just me. What is home to you?


this is one of those “billion thoughts in my head-none-of-which-make a whole post” post. 

Work is crazy as ever, i have too much to juggle this semester, which is making moi slightly hyper, less interested in work, very sleepy, very into working out and very into blogging too. So a couple of random things going through my head:

1. When I came to this department of psychology 4 years ago, and even before that when i communicated with my advisor, I addressed him as “dear sir” for the first time. The second time, he protested and therefore I softened it to Dr. F, now daily communication is rather hard with Dr F. being a bit too tedious, So it became.hi..followed by the communication of interest to (hopefully) both parties. Yesterday it became “c.” His first name, I read the email, clicked sent and then realized I addressed him by his first name! gulp…it was weird and very very amru..ah well..its been 4 years! c., it is.

2. I am finally back to work out mode. Total workout mode, running, spinning, lifting etc etc. I am also getting up early in the morning, a sign of my approaching old age? Research shows that as we get older we tend to become morning people..or maybe its just that working out is the only thing that relaxes me completely. No prelim thoughts, barely any boy thoughts, only me and what I can achieve.

3. Talking of the boy, I recently saw pyaar ke side effect again, the last time I saw it, I thought of it as a cute movie, I was single then. Now in a relationship, I can see all of this bieng so true. The committment-phobia, the totally tentative start of a relationship and what it takes for a person to realize that this is the person they care about. And how complicated relationships are. I can totally see me and the boy in a similar situation.

4. I brought this totally cute clock, its got paperclips as the indicators and some very cute family and relationship pictures are going up there as soon as I get them printed..procrastination rules!

5. My room is  an utter mess and I truly dont have energy to clean it. The kitchen, however was sparkling clean last sunday, because its one thing I cannot stand dirty.

6. sorry, that is the last thing outta my head..more continues, so will the posts!

picture meme

yes am still in india

just coz i dont want to leave! …yeah very strange..and two posts in a month! gasp!

I was reading marshmallowand came upon this excellent meme..and you know i cant not do tags..and a picture tag..quite the novelty for our little abode. Marshmallow BTW is a fave lifestyle writer of mine. By lifestyle I mean people who change their lifestyle for the same reasons I did.

Here is the tag:

  1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr search.
  2. Using only the first page of results, pick one image.
  3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

The credits for the pictures first:

The questions:

  1. What is your first name? – Disha
  2. What is your favorite food right now? – kachori (sorry NRI’s)
  3. What high school did you go to? – choithram (yeah a random pic did come up)
  4. What is your favorite color? – red
  5. Who is your celebrity crush? – none!
  6. What is your favorite drink? – coffee
  7. What is your dream vacation? – Italy
  8. What is your favorite dessert? – Chocolate (in any form)
  9. What do you want to be when you grow up? – powerful
  10. What do you love most in life? – joy
  11. What is one word that describes you? – contradictions
  12. What is your flickr name? – disha

    my mosiac!

    my mosiac!

what am i doin?

hello, questions are bieng asked about my whereabouts..vide the last post. I am vegetating at home in india and am loving it. I really wanted and needed this break. And now I have it….what can be better? Nothing really. So what have I been doing at home..nothing really..just enjoying the heat (that was sarcastic) and working out a couple of hours a kill time and also because am an addict. Baking, which fails spectacularly every time thanks to the weird oven issues I end up having…not fun. Seriously, everytime I cook for ma, it goes wrong…i tried making pasta and the stupid tomatoes would convert into sauce..we had tamatar sabzi instead.

Other than that.. I am enjoying driving on the left side of the road and utilizing the horn..whoa! traffic is crazier than ever and i have two or stay home. Knowing that I can’t do that I drive and havent got myself into trouble YET.  From tomorrow I start dancing again, my dance teacher is holding a wokshop and so I get to brush up my dance skills and learn some new things and hopefully help with some compositions. However to do that I have to drive through jail road every morning!!! Purva and BF does that ring any bells? An accent on jail road..ugh.. So no trouble yet, but pray for me people!

Traffic is worse not just because half the roads are dug up but also because red lights are seen as mere suggestions to stop, to be lightly tossed aside as one zooms, weaving through the throngs, making eac htraffic light a hazardous experience for poor me..four way stop friendly person.

Apart from the traffic..which I secretly enjoy swearing at behind the closed windows of the car. I havent really been doing much. I did visist my school. The good part is that it hasnt changed even that much..the scary part is that next year should be my tenth reunion..yeah i have been outta school that long, te sad patr is that all i felt wass a sense of relief that I am no longer in school, that I am no longer the weirdo of the class, or the person who got into the most trouble or even the person who always knew the most dirty words. I feel relief that no one can again tell me how completely worthless I am. I hate that i hated school. People remmeber it as the best part of the their lives, when i got out of school, life could only have gotten better and it did! Pune was gorgeous, GACC was a learning experiene..KState has been amazing as well…and I know things will ontinue in this vien just dont make me go back to school!

I have been eating tons! Mangoes..yum yum..ghamandi lassi…even gilki and tons of heavy restaraunt food..which has been a bit much.

I have also been spending tons of time on the phone and in person with a certain someone..lets call him G. and lets just say I am a tad confused as to where we are headed, but it is nice for the time being. TMI? I will stop mooning pronto.

The weihgt loss has been appreciated by one and all..unfortunately. it is not enough to earn the respect of skinny salesgirls, it aint gonna happen, suck it up d.! Talking about salesgirls..they make me nervous..specially when they hover over you as if you are going to grab the closest synthetic scarf and run with it. It makes you wonder if deep down it was what you intended. And then they tell you that this wont fit and try to lead you gently away..while you look back forlonly at the only thing that seemed remotely wearable and  you were quite sure it would have fitted you damn it! So clothes shopping is a bane..whats new?

Thats what I have been up to..that and lazing..which i am sure I dont need to describe..People associate the song “kagaz ki kashti” with their childhood..for me its the song “fursat ke raat din” which spells summer for me! enjoy yours and tell me if had any fursat ke raat din.


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