saying goodbye

I struggle everyday with the thought of closing this blog. Sometimes, and more and more often these days, I have nothing to say. I open this and look at the blog, and say wow nothing to say. Then sometimes I look through the archives and they act as reminders of the phases I have ben through. Last year, I went through so many ups and downs, the then new boy and his antics, the crazy breakup and then never hearing from him again. Can be seen here . I reread it today and remembered what a painful time it was and how I had to remind myself to be happy. I actually have a post it of lists of things that make me happy in my office. But then not even a month after I wrote that post, I met someone who made me very very happy. He has been for me, a source of comfort, happiness, support and just plain joy. And now he’s left. Our paths have diverged, really had no choice in the matter. We will stay friends, there are some people that the word ex should not be associated with. He will always be my friend above all. I miss him, i miss him everyday and find myself storing up tidbits to share with someone who isnt there anymore.  I remind myself everyday, that sometimes the choices are taken out of our hands and one has to deal with the given. Trying not to deal with it bitterly or unhappily but with the knowledge, that this too shall pass and maybe in passing result in something brighter and better. I wish him much joy and happiness, because, still, inspite of its end, the happiness he brought never went away. Follow your rainbows, I will wait for mine.  I read this somewhere and rereading it helps too:

On our journey, we meet many souls with whom we interact, exchange energy, in a way that enhances our growth and theirs. We learn lessons together. We break bread. We share love. But there often comes a time to say good-bye.

A good-bye can come suddenly, unexpectedly, without much warning. Or a good-bye can be expected, planned on, and take a while to work out. The length of time doesn’t matter. What matters is how we handle our good-byes.

We can do it with our hearts open, saying thank you for all we’ve learned. Or we can close our hearts and bitterly say we’ve lost again. We can say good-bye with an attitude of trust, faith, and love, believing our hearts led us together, for the time we were close, to celebrate life and further our journeys. Or we can do it with harsh judgment, asking what’s wrong with us that our paths didn’t let us stay together. We can say good-bye with our hearts open, feeling our sadness, our longing, and our joy. Or we can say good-bye with emotions walled off, saying that’s just the way life is.

Sometimes, it’s hard to say good-bye. We can’t always choose timing, but we can choose the words of our heart. And sometimes it’s not good-bye. It’s till we meet again.

What do you think?