coming home

I have been back for roughly a month now. I came back in the end of July and was confronted by all its madness, the moving, the falling sick, the being away from the boy and the accompanying temper tantrums. oh the tantrum thrower is me..he is the aloof ice-queen. king.  Then settling into the new place which is famaliar enough in layout and yet different enough to disorient me. The getting over the fears that I have lived for the past year, which believe me were not unfounded, more peace of mind and sleep and things have never been lost.  But I am healing now. I feel sometimes that I can relate to women in abusive relationships. The fear and the nightmares once you get out of them must be tremendous. sorry, my grammer is wonky today.

So this week was the first week back to school and the REC!!! School was good, seeing the boss was strangly unfraught with tension, and classes bring their usual crazy students and other peripheral pains. I was busy and stopped throwing tantrums, which is definately good for the future of  “US”.  But what what made me happiest and keeps me happiest is the rec. Going for a spin class and meeting the entire gang, which btw I only see in the gym and dont know anything about and dont want to. I barely recognize them in their day clothes as it is! It was amazingly delightful meeting them and doing our crazy spin class and whooping it up and almost killing ourselves. A class with mutual respect for everyone’s ability and drive to do it and for the desire to push workouts to such extreme levels. Thats where I felt most at home, where my ability to workout as hard as the ultra marathoner is a given. I might not be on such a high resistance as him, but my heart rate is exactly where his is and we are both killing ourselves and loving it! Where I feel like I dont have to explain anything and everything is at face value. I feel welcome there just because I want to do it, not because of the way I look or the way I want to look or that I belong to a minority group who is banding together. I feel at home. If only I could be there all the time. Fliting from one group fitness class to another, swinging in a couple of weight sessions in the middle. My utopia. ok, there has to be food involved..but we can wrangle that. Feeling strong and sure and very full of myself, thats how the rec makes me feel. Leaving it would be heartwrenching,  on the bright side…gyms are evrywhere and wherever I move, I will find the “one” and be at home again. Do you have a place that makes you feel good? due to the people or just the place?