The only reason I look forward to St. Valentine’s day of departure from this earth is so that I can write my morose valentine’s day post. Oh cmon,a perenially single woman like me is allowed this one whinny day? This is a perfect day for self pity and whining and indulging in chocolate…coz..sob..nobody is going to get me any and ofcourse think sadly of the ex. This has been the rule as of late.
However, this year I have not been able to muster that spirit of whini-ness…and yes I made that up! I have no yearning or longing for someone..and I find myself asking myself…really? you mean really? Test myself with senarios such as..imagine, noone to bring you a gift and take you out for dinner..hmm..no twinge of longing, noone who knows your penchant for dark chocolate…hmm..just pops some into own mouth…no twinge yet again. Scary, that. Not the dark chocolate but the crazy lack of men and the me wannnnnaaa! There is no desire for dinner out either, no green flashes when friends got flowers and I was in consultation with the male of the pair for appropriate gifts. I couldnt care less. Ofcourse I do care about the gifts, but I dont care about their lack to me. Maybe I am sick, something is seriously wrong. Or maybe, just maybe I am growing up as far as these things are concerned?
As more and more friends get into relationships, I find myself happy in my groove. Specially when friends cannot make it to the gym because partner isnt totally into it! umm..noone can take my gym away from me! I admit it would be nice to share stuff with someone etc and have that special thing going and the other side benefits of relationships..however nothing happens in my life anyways and it is fun to do things alone. I usually go to concerts alone because I cannot stand people who dont enjoy it and then dont let you enjoy it either by going..is it over yet etc… Earlier I used to think maybe people are pitying me because i’m probably th e only person there alone. This year I find myself thinking about that lesser and lesser, sometimes I couldnt care less. If I want someone to see something with me, I bloody well invite them! I reserve spinning classes for friends because I like to see friends in that class. I make plans for movies because I want to spend time with that person! I stay home and work on the thesis because that is what I want to do. I am having fun! so sorry …but this St. Valentine’s Day isnt really morose, it is more about self love. I love me to bits…and that’s all that matters to me.
On another tack, I have been off food for a bit..I am eating but it isnt an obsessive desire to eat, maybe I am eating a good balanced diet so my system doesnt feel deprived anymore so no more cravings?
Talking of body and working out..I went swimming after a very long time and by golly am I sore! My neck hurts..I never learnt to swim properly with head under water, bosom friend…I dont remember..did you swim that way? If you didnt..did you ever figure it out? I swear I will nail it this summer! Rest of workout is all good
I will be making besan ke ladoo day after tomorrow and I am looking forward to it, one of the reasons is that besam ladoo remind me of my naani, she is the expert in the family, mom isnt into food (therefore is skinny and rather irritating in her refusal to rhapsody about food and her insistence that I am obsessed). So besan ladoo is my favorite mithai and just making it, the smell of besan brings back the old kitchen in watkhed, the afternoon quiet and me and aai(naani) sitting and chatting and making ladoos. Isnt it funny how we miss these things?considering that whenever me and aai are together we spend most of our time fighting. SHe is a super pushy and super accomplished woman who is wayyy better at maths and engineering than anyone I know! She is a housewife who could put back a scooter together when her teenage son took it apart for a lark and didnt know what to do! So here’s to aai and besan ladoo.. sorry to make you hungry, want some? then come and get it!