burn baby burn

This is another of those maudlin, rambly posts. hence forewarned, I will move on now. These long runs of mine, you know over the weekend? I am the slowest runner on the planet..seriously even walkers can walk past me, even then I feel strong, I feel good, I feel tired, I feel emptied of all that has been bothering me, I feel powerful. Its very Marquis de Sade, this enjoyment of pain, it hurts, but it feels so good, its a good kind of pain, it tells me, yes this is your 7th mile and no you are not done yet. It all makes me feel all the various muscles I never really knew existed, burning quads somehow make me feel strong. Running also makes me very philosophical. I live in Kansas, which is technically flat..remember..land of oz? But my little apple has hills and I dont know why I choose to run over them on a regular basis when i can choose flater and greener pastures, but back to philosophy, when panting up the hill, it often occurs to me (With great joy) that once uphill, means downhill too, and downhill makes me gloomy, by the same principle. But isnt that life, what must go up must come down, you need the highs and the lows because if they werent there you wouldnt know the stuff you were made of. When i started running, running without music seemed impossible, i needed music to set the pace, to take my mind off, these days on my long runs, my podcast finishes after an hour and sometimes I dont notice the lack of music, I even ran without music one day. I have definately become more appriciative of my body and all that it can do. Not much, to be frank, but still I can do what I want..mostly.

Ode to running is now over, other random musing begins here. I miss home, unusual for me to miss anyplace, but suddenly I am missing home so much, I need India’s rain, its madness, its confusion and its happiness. Here, I have begun to take things too seriously, hold myself to wrng standards. Have you noticed…Indians laugh so easily..we find the funny in everything..even spiderman 3 (Shudders). Very often in a movie theatre I find myself to be the only person laughing at the trailers, while the americans around me just blankly look at the screen. That in itself is rather funny.

I find myself in a maudlin mood today, thinking about my ex-boyfriends and funnily enough listening to the songs I have long associated with them. Certain songs can take me back to that exact moment, that crazy time. Why, you wonder, well even if you dont I would still tell you 😀 right? I dont really know, but it is because its now summer, summer is the time for lazy weekdays and even lazier weekends. Summer is meant to spend huge amounts of time with other people, alas, none of who I have. Friends have gone home or are working out of town. But there are time, when you really really wonder, is this all worth it? Should I just throw in the towel and find a random man? Or should I just be the turtle I am? Slow runner and slow at picking up whats right in front of me? Any answers?

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3 Comments

  1. take it easy! The thought process is natural and bound to come up periodically…but nah….we find ourselves inadequate or barking up the wrong tree only in comparison to another…this is no one right way of doing it….we all will do it at our pace, in our own time and we will get things/rewards etc also individually..

    so its ok to be a turtle among gorses may be…but hat is the essence that should’nt be lost…ever!!

    Be happy 🙂

    and call me..its been long

  2. chandni’s right. the grass on the other side isn’t green either :s you have always been the level headed independent one. don’t chuck that for any random guy. ever. can’t help thinking of loser ex-bfs from time to time but hey we’ll atleast never make that same mistake again. india is the only place that can’t make you feel lonely, everything about it is home. and yes we definitely are one of the happier people 😀
    as for running – wow. again, wow. still struggling at my end to get through plain cruches..exercise isn’t fun alone..without the goss..and the open air..and fun..and friends. but am trying to get there. must take up running. hugs 🙂

  3. @ chandni: yes maam..when is the best time to call maam and yeah i gave up and threw in the towel..enjoying work at the mo!

    @bosom friend:nah, me no level headed, me scaredy cat, I learn too much from other peoples mistakes and hences, have no fun! Running is fun, you just have to keep goin!


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