I have been wanting to write this post for a while now, and have ended up with a series of drafts which are equivalent to crumpled up pieces of paper where I havent been able to say what I wanted to.
To the left is the picture of the snowman we made, the entire gang of friends I fondly refer to as the “madness”. I have never been a gang person. Always been on the fringes, never knowing, never finding out whats going on, never knowing when to laugh and when to keep my mouth shut. For the first time in my life, I am part of a homogenous group of friends none of who center around any one person, lack of anyone does not make us fall apart and all of us have our own personal ties with each other. Whats so unusual about this, you might wonder, but this is something we all quest for, the fitting in with no questions asked, feeling a belongingness and feeling grounded.
I feel grounded, I feel secure with this warm bunch, all of nerds xtreme to the extent that we start talking research in the middle of a joke, all from different areas geographically and academically. All crazy and all wanting the same thing, I think, a sense that we belong. I have this now, I feel secure in the warmth of the knowledge that if I leave town for a few days, I wont come back to find that everyone turned against me, to find myself on the fringes again, because all we want is some fun and fun doesnt mean cliches, it doesnt mean saying you are my best friend and she is not, it does not mean rejecting someone and taking up with another one. It means crazy laughter over coffee, zany accusations and drama and constant teasing along with watchful eyes so as to not tread over sensitive points.
I thought I was the only one who felt this from my friends, but later realised that am not alone, all of us feel that to some extent, some worry about it getting over, others cherish it, as for me, I can finally work, say no when I want to and yes when I want to without any fear and bask in the warmth of friendship. Here’s to friends who make snowmen with curves and waists 😀