not to worry, am not skinny, never will be either, body shape doesnt dictate it. I lost some 30 pounds though. This is a bit hard for me to talk about , just like everything else, but this is also important to me.
What is bugging me now is the changing attitudes. Suddenly all the guys who never looked at me twice are inviting me for parties, I get all those lingering glances and the shy smiles and leers too. I love it, I love it all. Always an attention basker, I’m just soaking this up big time.
ahem..you say..then the bugging part..ohh well its just that they didnt see me before? I havent changed, my personality hasnt changed. I’m still the maniac depressive that I always was, the mood swinger xtreme, or uber moodier (trying to use the “in”words)Didn’t you see me then, shyly standing in one corner or maniacally dancing, you didnt compliment me on my dance skills then did you?
Did you see me when you were telling me all your troubles and wanting and hoping that I will introduce you to my hot friends. Its the old fairy tale story. I have no prince. He never rescued me, I rescued myself.
What this entire process has left behind is a faint resentment for people whose attitudes have changed and a suspicion of newer people in my life. Do they even see me for who I am or is it the body that I am still not used to seeing in my mind’s eye
And course my friends, those who have been there when I wasnt this flirty hot babe with long hair (umm yes that is an exaggeration) and other lesser mortals who have fallen for me even in those times,to you I owe my belief in myself as a “person” and ofcourse the abysmal asses who wanted to sleep with me and yet didnt want to be seen with me. You were special too, because at-least you made me believe in myself, in the SA that I now flaunt, the power that I now wield (none too wisely or well, am afraid).
I have changed inside and outside, the outside for the better healthier me, the inside has a strength of willpower I never believed I possessed, and also a sadness at the loss of innocence, of believing in a prince charming who will see though everything. They are fairy tales. Princes see only blond princesses decked in finery. Are we all really that taken in by the “packaging”? as my dear friend would put it. You will probably say ofcourse not, and I will probably want to believe you, hopeless romantic, maniac depressive that I am.