how do i love thee..

Tide be runnin’ the great world over.
‘Twas only last June month I mind that we
Was thinkin’ the toss and call in the breast of the lover
So everlastin’ as the sea.
Here’s the same little fishies that sputter and swim,
Wi’ the moon’s old glim on the grey, wet sand:
An’ him no more to me or me to him
Then the wind goin’ over my hand.
Charlotte Mew
Its that time of the year again, when love calls out to everyone but me, and edna st vincent millay always gives me the comfort I seek:
Love is not all: It is not meat nor drink
Nor slumber nor a roof against the rain,
Nor yet a floating spar to men that sink
and rise and sink and rise and sink again.
Love cannot fill the thickened lung with breath
Nor clean the blood, nor set the fractured bone;
Yet many a man is making friends with death
even as I speak, for lack of love alone.
It well may be that in a difficult hour,
pinned down by need and moaning for release
or nagged by want past resolution’s power,
I might be driven to sell your love for peace,
Or trade the memory of this night for food.
It may well be. I do not think I would.
Edna St. Vincent Millay


there are some days that seem perfect.
yesterday was one of those. Great weather, nice walk, sitting in the park under a tree and reading a good book…small pleasures in life
I cam away so much stronger and more at peace with myself after that sojourn in the park than after a long but hectic holiday.
Sometumes, these short periods of time alone are what one needs to get in touch with their core.
Funnily enough it does not even have to involve introspection or deep thought. Just doing something you like to do and bieng completely immersed in that is what makes these moments completely yours.
Atleast for me they do. I am not a very socially adept person. I am one of those people who cross the street just to avoid coming face to face with even a single stranger…its a matter of mood.
So this sitting alone in the park on a dry, sunny winter day paying half a mind to sounds and getting lost in a good book is a pleasure that I savour and then nothing can seem to break the calm of the mind after that.
I suddenly find myself believing in myself and my goals, they seem real like nothing before did, a sense of belonging to myself, is it just living in the moment that does it to you? or is there something about going away on a journey in a new book with your cell phone not getting any signal?
and then spending the evening with good friends and chatting with others far away, people who make you think about new things, others that make you cry with the care they show for you even when they are running 22 minutes late for gym..
reading more reading..

travails, travels and triumphs

the new year has begun with the usual fanfare, that in retrospect never amounts to the fun you thought it would be.
But the year has begun, with a frsh slate, so they say, more like a slate wiped clean with a dirty duster, so that anything written fresh can be barely seen . as harry belafonte said “and it was all clear as mud”
so the trip to new york, very fun, very crazy, quite a bit tiring. I demand another vacation after it.a more non motile one..hehe
New york “the City” caught me up and took me dreaming. A city that screams rush rush, never slows down, providing its residents with a veneer of invisibility, no one is looking at you, no one knows you, ahh blessed annoymity. A material city, also infused with the work ethic, things get done fast and on time, an exception airports..ahh well we all know them dont we!
A subway system that I fell in love with, the map i’d treasure, desi’s everywhere, kindness of strangers, new yorkers arent as callous and uninterested as made out to be.
most of the help we got was from locals, who would see us looking at maps and stop to help.
a old man playing “jana gana mana” at the statue of liberty
world class performances in the subway
fake chanel no 5
squished beyond recognition in times square
missing penn street and sitting and looking at it from the subway, never realising hey we gotta get off here!
trying on designer clothes and laughing like we could never stop and wouldnt want to
hand reading sessions(with gloves on) in central park
the now expired and much tresured metro card
cooking daal and chicken,
basements and sleeping bags..ofcourse back aches
new boots that could have become a case of “red dancing shoes” the very grim grimm fairy tale, but did not only because of a nice big shoe bite (very worth it) hot boots 😀
food ofcourse at times square, bundt cake, midnite 43rd street and 8th ave
bieng woken up rudely, deprived of maggi, bread snatched away, still friends
yara o yara
o re chore
cryptic words forever associated with nyc
once upon tart…bestest pecan pie and salad ever! (sullivan street , SOHO)
D&G sucks :p
chinatown and little italy cafes..yummy canolli
catching a glimpse of ricky martin and none of the damn ball that dropped before we got there..told them to wait, but time wouldnt stop
a trip, a memory so vast, each day an exploration, each day something new, old friends and new, new perspectives, new beginnings and ofcourse a clean slate effect. “iss semester kuch bhi last minute nahi karungi” sounds famaliar 😀